Man Impresses Teenage Son By Speeding Up Through Yellow Light
— Billy Bob Thompson (@BillyBobThomps) May 9, 2014
Click here for a chance to win tickets to see Morrissey cancel his next concert
— Dave Metter (@DaveMetter) May 9, 2014
Took a half day at work. Literally gave myself an anxiety attack thinking of how much pussy I'd get if I became a volunteer firefighter.
— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) May 6, 2014
My Harvard diploma is basically useless. Especially since the printer I made it on smudged the bottom part.
— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) May 6, 2014
As adults, I don't think we play Spin the Bottle enough.
— Pat House (@BohemianPatsody) May 9, 2014
Ugh I have to go to the dentist today and I have NOTHING to wear.
— Alison (@Alison_lynnZ) May 2, 2014
I only dress nicely for special occasions like going to Chipotle or going to Chipotle for the second time that day
— Eddie Finn (@eddiejfinn) May 1, 2014
Just used the bathroom in a church and immediately had to go to confession afterwards.
— Christian Alsis (@christianalsis) May 8, 2014
Follow @freeforallcmdy on Twitter for more retweets of the best jokes from Philadelphia comedians, information on our upcoming shows, and details about other Philadelphia-area shows that feature some of the comics you see on our stage.
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