Having this shirt on inside-out would be way less embarrassing if it weren't a button-down
— James Hesky (@JamesHesky) March 12, 2014
Trying to start a basketball league. No games, just maybe chat about books we read. Okay, it's a book club in shorts. No boys.
— John McKeever (@JohnnyMcKeever) March 13, 2014
Michele Bachmann says gay people have "bullied the American people". Kind of like how black people have "enslaved us with their culture".
— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) March 11, 2014
We need more songs about boots what those boots are made for & what the wearer of said boots are goin to do with the boots one of these days
— Christian Alsis (@christianalsis) March 11, 2014
Hopefully, my kids will someday realize how hard I work to get retweeted.
— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) March 11, 2014
Why buy the cow when you can just bang a sheep
— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) March 11, 2014
"No pain no gain." – French dieting mantra. Weird that only the word "bread" is actually in French, though.
— Alison (@Alison_lynnZ) March 10, 2014
I'm jealous of anyone able to actually express their frustrations. All I do is use mine to turn my body into a cancer factory.
— Aaron Hertzog (@aaronhertzog) March 13, 2014
The secret to success is the patience to be disciplined and the discipline to be patient. Also, keep in mind I've accomplished nothing.
— Sidney Gantt (@SidneyWithAnI) March 11, 2014
I'm 90% sure there's a couple breaking up in this Chick-Fil-A, and I'm 100% certain that it's making my day.
— Pat House (@BohemianPatsody) March 4, 2014
Anyone want to bet lives on the Duke Game?
— Patrick Graves (@PatrickGravesIV) March 8, 2014
Follow @freeforallcmdy on Twitter for more retweets of the best jokes from Philadelphia comedians, information on our upcoming shows, and details about other Philadelphia-area shows that feature some of the comics you see on our stage.