Home births in the U.S. is at its highest level in 40 years.Also high is the amount of people who don’t wanna go in the living room anymore.
— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) March 5, 2014
I think it’s time we change the word “love” to “A pint of Ben and Jerry’s: The emotion.”
— James Hesky (@JamesHesky) March 6, 2014
You suckers enjoy Coke Classic I’m sippin Coke Jurassic.
— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) March 6, 2014
I had a nightmare that the Sixers won a game.
— Aaron Hertzog (@aaronhertzog) March 6, 2014
I’m not impotent. My penis is on island time.
— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) March 3, 2014
When I say I want to be your fantasy girl I mean I don’t want to have to interact with you in real life.
— Alison (@Alison_lynnZ) March 1, 2014
I can't wait to see all your faces when I take this fat suit off.
— Jake Mattera (@JakeMattera) March 6, 2014
"Get more bang for your buck." -My days as a deer pimp.
— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) March 6, 2014
Hey everyone! Just wanted to give you all an update: I still can't pronounce Mariska Hargitay.
— Dave Metter (@DaveMetter) March 5, 2014
Follow @freeforallcmdy on Twitter for more retweets of the best jokes from Philadelphia comedians, information on our upcoming shows, and details about other Philadelphia-area shows that feature some of the comics you see on our stage.