Just had a Facebook suggested post for "Sweatpants Dresspants." So whatever algorithm you're using over there keep it up it's spot on.
— Aaron Hertzog (@aaronhertzog) November 29, 2013
Giving your middleschooler a mohawk is a pretty up front way of letting them know you'll fistfight them someday probably soon.
— Tim Butterly (@timbutterly) November 29, 2013
Jewish Americans! Combine holidays by making up a story about how the turkey was only going to last one night but miraculously lasted for 8!
— Dan King (@Dan_J_H_King) November 27, 2013
I'll go to the bars tonight, but only to observe the animal that is 'person who enjoyed high school'. It's the only time I ever see one.
— Ryan Hill (@Hi_RyanHill) November 27, 2013
I'll share my recipe for the ultimate Turducken now, okay, first off go to the mirror and say "Daddy's a real piece of shit."
— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) November 27, 2013
Autozone was playing a country western song about a dude getting mugged. Slowly and somberly mugged.
— JULIET HOPE WAYNE (@juliethopewayne) November 27, 2013
after years of investigation, I still can't solve the mystery of whether I love Katy Perry ironically or for reals.
— Eddie Finn (@eddiejfinn) November 27, 2013
This holiday season give the gift that says "I searched by Price: Low-High" & this is the best I could find for what I'm willing to spend."
— Alison Zeidman (@Alison_lynnZ) November 23, 2013
Follow @freeforallcmdy on Twitter for more retweets of the best jokes from Philadelphia comedians, information on our upcoming shows, and details about other Philadelphia-area shows that feature some of the comics you see on our stage.