whenever I am questioned by Police I always say “Show me the Car Fax” which always makes things worse…why do I keep doing that
— Patrick Graves (@PatrickGravesIV) October 24, 2013
“Great treasure awaits he who dares // to eat a bag of gummy bears.” – fake fortune I’ve applied to myself.
— Joe Moore (@thejoemoore) October 24, 2013
I think this guy just walks around the gym for an hour and then waves his bird at dudes in the locker room. I mean I know he does. He’s me.
— Aaron Hertzog (@aaronhertzog) October 24, 2013
When married mimes fight do they give each other “the talking treatment”?
— Amir Gollan (@AGollan) October 24, 2013
I just updated my current position on LinkedIn to Astronaut. 5 likes, 12 congratulations, zero questions.
— Chris Dolan (@CMDolan99) October 24, 2013
Follow Free For All on Twitter for more retweets of the best jokes from Philadelphia comedians, information on our upcoming shows, and details about other Philadelphia-area shows that feature some of the comics you see on our stage.