I once dated a girl because her http://t.co/DaISSUroDV profile stated she had lots of “pizzaz”. I misread it as “pizzas”.
— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) June 14, 2013
Kim Deal leaving The Pixies, who haven’t issued an album in 22 yrs. Also:I am leaving my high-school break-dancing crew.
— Chris Dolan (@CMDolan99) June 14, 2013
I’m more comfortable calling them “dad issues”.
— Mary Radzinski (@MaryRadzinski) June 14, 2013
I didn’t have a full box of either so I mixed Capin’ Crunch & Cheerios.it exploded & blew my clothes off my body, thats what I told the cops
— John Kensil (@johnkensil) June 14, 2013
I’m writing gay vampire erotica. The only thing I have written thus far is Dracula saying “Ya blood ain’t the only thing I’m tryna suck on.”
— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) June 14, 2013
It’s awkward when my therapist asks if I’ve thought about suicide or made a plan… I guess so? I had a bunch of “Save the Date”s printed.
— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) June 14, 2013
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