Is it one problem or two that I’m so bad at picking one thing to be anxious about at a time?
— Tim Butterly (@timbutterly) June 12, 2013
just laid my hand into salad dressing 3 times. now i get to make a wish!
— Nicole Yates (@yatesy75) June 12, 2013
My superpower is exploding a single negative thought into a full-blown depression. #WorstXman
— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) June 12, 2013
My brother is getting married in two weeks. I may have misheard, but I think he wants me to cosplay as Usher.
— Joe C. (@inturnaround) June 12, 2013
That’s what I love about corpses. I get older, they stay the SAME AGE.
— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) June 12, 2013
I remember my darkest moment, when I almost declared I co-wrote She’s All That.
— Joe Moore (@thejoemoore) June 12, 2013
Follow Free For All on Twitter for more retweets of the best jokes from Philadelphia comedians, information on our upcoming shows, and details about other Philadelphia-area shows that feature some of the comics you see on our stage.